“Excuse me, sir. I was wondering if I could ask you about a question about a magazine.” Of course, ma’am, I reply. Helping customers with questions is, after all, one of the reasons I’m here. “I see this issue on the shelf, but it’s a few months old. Is there a newer one?” Well, I explain, it’s difficult to tell with magazines, because we don’t list them in the computer the same way we list books, but of course I’ll try. In looking it up, it seems like there is a newer issue. Going over to the shelf, the magazine isn’t there. This is not that unusual, I explain. It may have sold out, or perhaps a few of the copies came in damaged, I explain. This seems to be a normal customer interaction, up until…now.
“Well, sir, I was wondering if there is any way I could get a discount on this issue, since it’s older.” I look at the magazine again. It is in good condition. It doesn’t look like it has ever been handled before. Excuse me, ma’am, I say. I’m not sure I follow. “Well, you said yourself that there is a newer issue out. Should I have to pay full price for this old one?” Well, I reply with growing incredulity, the magazine is still full of articles that contain useful information. The new issue would simply have different articles. I can’t really offer a discount because it isn’t the current issue. After all, it isn’t exactly going stale. Only I don’t say that last part, naturally. “Is that your store policy,” she asks. Is what our store policy? Charging the listed price on the merchandise we sell? Yes, ma’am, yes, it is. “Is there anyone else I can speak to about this?” You are welcome to speak to the store manager, though he is not in today. But yes, I would be happy to take your name and number so he can contact you about this issue.
Such is one instance in the life of a retail sales person. What is it about shopping that makes people check their brains at the door? Yes, there is an open invitation into the store. We don’t discriminate. We are a Place of Public Accommodation; however, this is no one’s home, so please don’t act as though it were. Please, put that child’s shoes back on her, and perhaps your own as well. Thanks so much. No, we are not a library, but does that conversation need to be yelled into that cell phone so loudly the entire store can hear it? Probably not, and particularly not when it sounds like an episode of some soap opera. Who is sleeping with whom? And whom else? Never mind. I don’t really want to know, and no one else does either.
It has never ceased to amaze me how little concern people show for things that are not theirs. I understand that people coming in aren’t all looking to purchase. Window shopping and browsing around are things I enjoy. We like to maintain a stock breadth commensurate with the interest of our shopping public. Yes, we have about twelve different travel guides to the state of Hawaii. Was it really necessary to take one of each over to the café to browse through? How long was it going to take to go through them all? And did the one that the coffee dripped on have to be hidden in the middle of the pile? We found it, of course. We always do.
The real estate market may be difficult outside, but inside the store, it’s an outright war. Unquestionably, one of the first customers into the store will go right to the café to pick out their preferred tables, and they will leave their belongings there and then browse around the store. Other customers stake out the comfy-chairs like homesteaders during the Oklahoma land rush. Consider this instance. “Manager to Customer Service,” the overhead said. Oh, I thought, they’re playing my song. Walking over, I see an older customer looking unhappy. In introduce myself, and ask how I may be of assistance. “I want you to call the police.” Well, ma’am, could you please give me a few more details? That isn’t something I do lightly, I explain. “I put my things down on one of the chairs over by the magazines and then went to look around, and when I came back someone had moved them and was sitting in the chair. I want you to call the police and have her arrested.” Well, ma’am, that is not exactly something I can get involved in. It doesn’t affect the store in any way, since it’s between two customers, I tell her. This is not exactly true, but this woman seems to be a few chips shy of a batch of cookies anyway, and I would simply prefer to diffuse the situation. We don’t take responsibility for items that customers leave unattended, I continue. That really is the customer’s responsibility alone. She walked away, somewhat unhappy, but calmed. If you knew how many of those we’ve thrown away because people had “accidents” in them, you probably wouldn’t want to sit there anyway. I probably should have said that, for her own sake, but I didn’t.
The store also becomes a battleground between opposing political ideologies. This happens regularly. It would be impossible to stop it. It’s particularly bad during an election year, when publishers rush out any book they can dealing with the political upheavals approaching, and it manifests in two ways. Part of it stems from the customers’ unfailing belief that, even though a book is a bestseller and all their friends are talking about it, they are going to be the only person looking for it on any given day. Of course, it should be in stock, and for their convenience displayed right at the front of the store. This has the potential of happening with any book, but it’s much more fun when it happens with a political book. When it’s a political book, not having it on-hand means that we are obviously supporting the left/right-wing agenda, and are bleeding-heart liberals/neo-fascist conservatives, and so forth and so on. What customers tend to forget in these instances is that we are a business. We would sell almost anything that a customer was interested in purchasing. Actually, we don’t have the book because our initial shipment sold out faster than we could be resupplied. While we’re on the topic of political books, it does no good to hide the books written from opposing political views by covering them up with other books. Yes, there are a number of books out now with President Obama’s face on the cover. They aren’t all pro-Obama. Hiding them all behind the new Michael Savage or Bill O’Reilly book is pointless. We know we didn’t face-out those books in five different places. We will figure out what was done, and demean the culprit in absentia for doing it.
Political and social prejudices manifest themselves in other ways in the bookstore. Where books are placed in the store is very important to some customers. Also, what books are next to them becomes an issue. I will never forget the customer who was upset that the African-American Studies section was located next to the Gay & Lesbian Studies section. “Why is this section here?” she asked. We try to keep similar topics together, ma’am, and so all of the sections that deal with special-interest groups are follow one another. See, it goes from History, into Current Affairs, into Cultural Studies, African-American Studies, Gay & Lesbian Studies, Women’s Studies, Native American Studies, etc. “Well, I don’t think it should be here”, she replied, as though hers should be the final word, and walked off. Where should we put it ma’am? The back of the bus…I mean store? Of course I didn’t say that.
Returns are always an issue. Our return policy is simple: only within two weeks, only with a receipt, only in saleable condition. If all three of those conditions are not met, we are not obligated to take back a return. To be sure, we make exceptions. Life is full of circumstances, and yes, we are human. We do make the assumption that someone who shops in a bookstore has the ability to read the return policy for themselves. Some interpretations have been particularly interesting. One customer insisted that the policy was worded in such a way that she needed only to have a receipt or come in within two weeks to get the refund. When I spelled out for her exactly what the wording meant, she replied that she had a college degree, and knew that it meant what she had insisted upon. We went back and forth for several minutes as I tried to explain certain grammatical rules to her, but she insisted on her reading. Finally, I gave up. Okay ma’am, we will do this return for you, but just so you know, you are wrong. And yes, that was what really what I said.
My favorite customer interaction happened quite a while ago. This customer was pleasant, and had a simple request. She came up and asked, “Excuse me, but do you have any books on the meaning of names?” Well, yes, ma’am, we do. We have a whole section of books for baby names, I replied, and I turned to show her the way. “Well”, she continued behind me, “do you have any books with adult names?” Thankfully, I was facing away, because it was all I could do not to laugh. And for once, I couldn’t think of anything to say.
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